The Old End Around

The football coaching profession is nothing if not stressful. During a game this past weekend, Boys and Girls High School volunteer assistant coach William Miller exposed his rear end to opposing fans, according to school officials, and was terminated by principal Bernard Gassaway after the incident. The altercation occurred following a controversial call late in the fourth quarter of Boys and Girls' 16-6 loss to Campus Magnet in a Public Schools Athletic League game in Queens, New York. Coaches became enraged with referees and tensions eventually escalated, whereupon Miller, a first-year assistant, approached Campus Magnet fans behind a fence on the side of the field, dropped his shorts and revealed his rear end. The refs eventually called the game, awarding Campus Magnet the victory with 3:49 remaining. Given his over-reaction to the call, it appears Miller could use a time-out himself.

Mascot Mauled in Midwest Melee

Fans attending an intrastate rivalry last Saturday witnessed unbridled "animal-osity" prior to the opening whistle. Brandon Hanning, the 19-year-old inside "Rufus," the Ohio University Bobcat mascot, wrestled Ohio State's "Brutus" to the end zone turf before the first flag was thrown in an eventual OSU 43-7 victory. Reports claim that Hanning tried out for the job with the express goal of tackling the Buckeye at Ohio Stadium. The pre-meditated tussle led to an apology from Ohio University and the banning of Hanning from further affiliation with the athletic department, which regretted the negative impact such unprovoked action had on the relationship between the two schools. The ban shouldn't be a problem as Hanning now attends nearby Hocking College... which only offers its students intramural and club sports.

"Fire in the Hole" in One

Perhaps the PGA should spend more time focusing on public layouts... the action is much hotter. Last Saturday, an unidentified weekend golfer at the Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine, California, placed an errant tee shot into the rough, attracting good-natured ribbing from his playing partners. His second swing, however, attracted 150 firefighters to the scene when his club snagged a rock, igniting a spark that torched a 12-acre patch of vegetation over two parched, brushy hillsides. Sure gives new meaning to the term, "match play."

Whatever Happened to Wake-Up Calls?

When his cell phone lost power Wednesday night and its alarm failed to go off causing him to miss his pro-am tee time at Ridgewood Country Club, two-time 2010 tour winner Jim Furyk gave PGA officials no choice but to make him ineligible for The Barclays, the first of four FedEx Cup playoff events in which Furyk is currently No. 3 in pursuit of a $10 million prize. Furyk was scheduled to start on the 11th hole in a shotgun that began at 7:30 a.m., but awoke at 7:23 a.m. to discover the predicament. Throwing on some clothes and shoes, but bypassing belt and socks, he bolted out of his hotel room and rushed to Ridgewood, arriving at 7:35 a.m. Unfortunately, the race to the course proved to be his best -- and only -- drive of a lost weekend opportunity.

The "King James" Rules

My late father, a very knowledgeable baseball purist, often prefaced sentences with the expression, "back in the day." I'm clearly growing more like him. Once upon a time, athletes were drafted, and then signed, by a pro team and seemed delighted, even honored, to represent their respective sport. Physically gifted beyond belief and showered with adoration by fans, the player would then spend the bulk of his career working hard at his chosen craft, enjoying the game itself, earning accolades along the way and perhaps reaching the pinnacle of his profession (i.e. the Hall). In an age of astronomical contracts and blatant media manipulation, the LeBron James spectacle is only the beginning of the tail now wagging the dog. Whose "show" is going to be next in the surreal reality lineup? ESPN, willingly complicit in this over-hyped extravaganza, got huge ratings, Commissioner David Stern had his product front and center (overshadowing even the World Cup) for a solid month, LaBron et al, grabbed even more spotlight. The droning debate over the merits of the move will rage on, each Heat game endlessly dissected, every Erik Spoelstra coaching move questioned and second-guessed. Maybe this puts more pressure on the players to perform. Maybe it doesn't really matter. Welcome to the new world of sports, where individual players, albeit ridiculously talented ones, are now beginning to control and dictate how the game "behind the game" is played, managing not only the public relations machine, but also their merchandising, promotion, image and personal brand, for better or worse. As Dad, and Bob Dylan, would have observed, times they are indeed a'changing, perhaps irrevocably, but it's not a pretty picture.

Man Bites Dog, Indeed

For the fourth year in a row, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut has captured the 2010 Famous Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, downing 54 dogs in ten minutes. Yet, the event was not without controversy (and why wouldn't it be?). Japanese eating champion Takeru Kobayashi, who jumped onstage at the Coney Island competition which he sat out due to a sponsor contract dispute, was freed after spending a night in a New York jail. Wearing a black T-shirt bearing the message "Free Kobi," he pleaded not guilty in Brooklyn to charges of obstruction of governmental administration, resisting arrest, trespassing and disorderly conduct after rushing the podium to the encouraging chants of fans. Chestnut, to his credit, refused comment -- his mother admonishing him to not speak with his mouth full.

Walk, Then Run

When 69-year-old Anthony Gaskell crossed the finish line during the London Marathon in record time, you almost knew there would be questions. Gaskell completed the April 25 event in 3 hours, 5 minutes -- the fastest time ever recorded in the over-65 age group. He was later disqualified when organizers determined that he dropped out in the middle of the race because of injury and walked to the finish, cutting out almost ten miles of the course. In response, Gaskell said he never claimed to have won the age-group race and didn't check the results on the website. Following the competition, he reportedly told Mrs. Gaskell that he had to run to the store, but should be back shortly.

It's A Numbers Game

The Denver Broncos are already seeing benefits from the recent drafting of ex-Florida Gator all-everything quarterback, Tim Tebow, in last week's NFL draft: jersey sales. Tebow's No. 15 was by far the most popular on the NFL's website for April and his celebrity clearly trumps the debate over whether he'll ever make it as an NFL quarterback after winning the Heisman Trophy and two national championships. April's second-best seller was the Washington Redskins jersey of Donovan McNabb, while his Philadelphia Eagles' replacement, Kevin Kolb, jumped into the rankings at No. 12. Meanwhile, suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger dropped out of the top 25 after ranking 11th in jersey sales for the year ending March 31. Who says numbers never lie?

Phillies Fan Spews Forth

Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was charged with assault, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and related offenses after intentionally vomiting on an 11-year-old girl and her father during a recent Philadelphia Phillies-Washington Nationals game. Held on $36,000 bail, authorities say Clemmens made himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and one of his daughters after Clemmens' companion was kicked out of Citizens Bank Park for unruly behavior, which included cursing, spitting and spilling beer by Clemmens and a friend. Philadelphia fans have been known for unruly behavior (tales of the 700 Level at Veterans Stadium come to mind), but this is enough to make you sick.

Tech Tames Tech Talk

March Madness finds coaches and players trying almost anything to get a leg up on their competition for a national title. Just as they did before last week's Atlantic Coast Conference tournament, Coach Paul Hewitt's Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (22-12) plan to give up their personal cell phones in hopes of making a run to the Final Four. Players were initially skeptical, but their ACC tourney success made believers out of them, including Senior D'Andre Bell, who said the move helped the team become closer. The Jackets will test their new-found approach again this week as they open the NCAA tournament in Milwaukee, facing off against Oklahoma State, without any technological distractions. "It definitely makes you hang around each other, because we're the only people we can talk to," noted guard Iman Shumpert. Operator, can you hold our calls?

The Focus of Attention

Michael David Barrett, 48, the Illinois insurance executive who pleaded guilty in December to interstate stalking after prosecutors accused him of following ESPN reporter Erin Andrews to at least three cities and shooting nude videos of the sportscaster through hotel peepholes, was sentenced to 2½ years in prison -- the maximum allowed by law -- after giving a tearful apology that was harshly rebuked by his victim. Barrett admitted renting hotel rooms next to Andrews three times and shooting two videos of her while she was naked and was accused of posting the videos online, trying to sell them to Los Angeles-based celebrity gossip site TMZ last year. Barrett's lawyer, David Willingham, said his client is undergoing psychological treatment and "has sought the path of redemption." Although federal prosecutors in Los Angeles have agreed not to pursue further charges, he could face criminal action in different states stemming from similar videos he allegedly shot of other unsuspecting nude women. Andrews has agreed to appear on the new season of ABC-TV's "Dancing with the Stars" - an offer ABC made before the stalking allegations. Any press is still good press, right?

Room for One More on the Dance Floor?

With this year's NCAA Men's Division 1 Tournament seeding completed and brackets published for all to see, the annual discussion of "who's in, who's out" in college basketball takes priority around water coolers everywhere. March Madness is officially upon us, so let the insanity of inclusion run amok... Bubbles will burst, sweet 16s will get kissed off and three of the final four will fail. Step aside, Clyde -- Hoopapalooza is happening!

Wayward Weiner Watch

Few things in life are more American than baseball and hot dogs, yet occasionally, the two make news for the wrong reasons. John Coomer has recently filed a lawsuit against the Kansas City Royals seeking more than $25,000 for injuries he sustained (including a detached retina and the development of cataracts) last September 8 when his left eye engaged a hot dog chucked by Sluggerr, the team's mascot. The Royals declined comment on the legal action, but the team is looking for someone new to wear the large lion costume, a development which spokesman Toby Cook says has "no connection" with the food fracas. Ducking foul balls may be nothing new for fans, but dodging flying frankfurters makes the game a contact sport. Could someone pass the relish?

Does Your Team Have a Shooter?

An investigation by local and fedeal authorities has begun into a dispute that began on the Washington Wizards' team plane between guards Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. According to multiple sources, an argument commenced during a card game on the team's overnight flight back to Washington from Phoenix on Dec. 19 and escalated into a heated exchange, resuming after an off-day, in the team's locker room on a practice day. The New York Post, quoting league security sources, reported that Arenas and Crittenton pulled guns on each other over a gambling debt during the pre-practice confrontation at the Verizon Center. The team has publicly confirmed that Arenas had stored three guns in a locked box in his locker and that the firearms were unloaded. NBA commissioner David Stern, given his distaste for any hint of violence in the league, is expected to wait and see whether charges are filed before determining the scale of potential punishments. In an ironic twist, it was the Wizards' late owner and Stern's close friend, Abe Pollin who, perhaps prophetically, changed the team's nickname in 1997. They had been known as the Bullets.